it kind of clung in the air for a while after my brother said it.
like how mud clings, so comfortably cradled at ur toenails, you feel disgusted and sorry all at the same time.(and i'm feeling even more sorry now cos my mum's blasting disgusting outoftune singapore idol)

"I'm always treated differently!"

it all started when my mum caught my bro dozing off in front of the tv, and she asked him to go to bed and sleep. he refused, and i bet now he's regretting that foolish decision because my mum immediately started nagging and telling him not to go over to the neighbour's hse to play anymore startin from tml onwards cos his holidays is endin and my mum wants him to study.

you see, his studies aren't good. ok. they're bad. he has maths tuition, but got F9 for Amaths and i think the rest of his subjects aren't strong either, cos my mum was demanding just a pass from him. i wonder if he knows he's lucky =_= if i had just a pass my mum wld have screamed the hse down.

anyway, she said, "Stop going out to play, i tell you! Tomorrow, rmb to take out ur TYS to do! For your next exam, you better get a pass or else...i'll take the cane out!"
"Cane? I'm sec.3 already, ok."
"Then just pass your exams!"
"Cane?"
"Just pass your exams! I've asked ur elder sis to teach you, but you refused. I'm already thinking of means to help you already ok, you better pass!"
"I got ask my cell leader ok! So if i still don't pass eh?"
"Cane la."
"I'm sec.3 already!"
"So? I don't see you workin hard. Unless I really see you workin hard."
"If I still don't pass? still cane?"
"Ya. Just pass your exams!"
"I'm always treated differently!"

**stomps off to room and whines to himself in bed. (mutters 'irritating!' when i enter)**

now this moody atmosphere is really sort of hanging around. i think my brother finally said what he has always thought, and my mum's hurt wondering how that is so. she's not exactly showing it, just looking at the tv, seeing but not watching.

for starters, i'd like to say my brother's quite an ass a lot of times. he used to be so cute, and has this reallly infectious laughter that cld make the whole family roll over on the floor. then, i'm uncertain if it's puberty or just sch, he's become like this grumpy old man once he entered Hong Kah, grunting his 'yes' and 'no', and keeping to himself like he's some secret agent and he's afraid if he even says a thing to us we might find out abt Operation Grumpy.

He doesn't study hard, eats, not snacks, but meals when he's studying, can't keep still, studies on his bed most of the time, does his maths hmwk just before the tuition teacher arrives. even the teacher can't stand his improper work.

so now i've painted my brother to be a lazy bad brother. but there are things that my parents expect of him that they don't expect of us, i must say. like fused bulbs and unscrewed appliances, they'd call my bro over to do it cos he's a guy. before he was this old and grumpy, my daddy did it all. i also feel it's not entirely his fault, how his studying methods have become. like listening to music while he does his hmwk? i dare say he got it from me, just that it's affecting him a lot more than it did me.

and my sis - she's the really hardworkin type. she'd sit at the table for hrs with the book open and taking notes and notes and piles of notes. i somehow managed to scrape pass although i don think i appear that hardworkin to my parents. for my bro, i think it has some part to do with the pressure he's feeling to keep up with us, and perhaps the feeling of letting my parents down and never doing anything right in their eyes.
academic: my sis just finished her Uni
art: he can't draw for nuts
music: he dumped his violin after just 1 or 2 years of learning, and you shld have seen how my mum fumed up. musical instruments aren't cheap.

my parents are treating him different, yes. but definitely not in a negative way. they'd repeatedly ask him if he wants tuition for this subject and that, you'd never hear them asking us. they'd nag him for results when they never do for us. i wonder if he thinks of these as my parents looking down on him or something.
i wish he'd understand and see it like i do. they really want him to succeed and find his niche.

it's probably all taking a toll on him, that's why he's more irritable nowadays.
i am irritated at him and rather unforgiving, yes. but i still wish my brother a deep-seated goal, that he'd soon find the path he wants to walk with passion, and that he'd not feel he has to match up to us. i admit i don't really see it now, but he used to be this really cute, laughter-filled sporty little brother in my mind. i also hope my mummy's distracted by the bad singing and she wldn't think so much.
i'm sorry :(