It's 12. I'm pausing my work to write this, and planning to blog it tml, which is today that you're reading this, because my mind is in such a whirl when I don't even have any problems troubling me, so I'm not sure why I'm so messed up inside either.

Well, let's start with Friday, when my fuel and determination kinda *poofed* and the slacker me took over. I asked aman to gimme some comics to read and that's when I got totally ( really TOTALLY) hooked on the manga Parfait Tic!, and the main point abt the manga that really appeals is; there are 2 drop-dead gorgeous guys in it and they're driving me crazy: Ichi & Daiya...
Just to clarify, I'm not normally so easily gaga...I think it's just that I've been very deprived of comics and handsome guys, so when I got them both at once, my heart went on an overload.

So basically, I've been slacking from Friday all the way till now, Sunday night, and PLEASE DON'T GO. I've go many important things I want to say here.

Well, this morning started out fresh, with me resisting the urge to read parfait tic! scanlations before I go to chuch. I didn't go last week, and this month I'm on front-liner duty (hospitality...basically, I just go "HIIII !!! WELCOME TO FCBC! GOD BLESS YOUUUU!!!" all complete with my beautiful smile. Hurhur!) and whoa .. I really forgot the joy it brings when you see that ppl really do feel welcomed.

So, a breakdown of why I became deliriously happy aft church service:

1. Rose!
-Darling Jenna made me a paper rose! (haha, too bad no CK smell on this one, aman) It's deep red and…professional. Hmm. I bet she'd be damn good at making Ms & Gs...right, :p sidetrack. Well, I thought it was so sweet of her! It's no like we're best friends or something, but yet she still pushed herself to make something for me *tingle tingle goes my heart*

2. "You look good!"
:p hehe! That's what this guy said to me when I was doing my duty by the front doors. I never knew I could look good in an obviously oversided bright yellow and green vest & cap! Hehe. And he only said it to me when I was doing duty with 3 other girls. Ooh! Hurhur. Ego boost!

3. Just going to chuch :)
Just going to chuch today gave me this...eh. Joy. (almost foolish kinda joy, I'd say :) I don't know how to say it, but it's almost like an adrenaline rush that whooshes into you, and you feel like smiling at everything, even the trees and the walls! Just that this time it's not adrenaline. It stays for much much longer, and even when it fades off abit, and you forget, when you recall it, it surges back up, and you start smiling to yourself again.
Thinking of it...it kinda sounds like I'm in love (haha! In love with Ichi and Daiya, YES!) haha. Seriously? I think I've just fallen in love with God again~
And no...I don't mean to be preachy. Haha. I just really need to say these all out in words, so let me.

Remember how I asked God to show me himself in pictures?
He's already started. I came back from sch last Monday, and I walked past this patch of red plants by my lift. But a few of them actually glowed. To tell the truth, the first thing that came into my mind wasn't "Praise God!"
It was "Photoshop effects!!!!" haha. When I paused to examine, then I realized that the few plants that glowed was in the noon sun, and the rest were in shadows bcos of the clouds.
Then, God made a reference and said, "I chose you :)" (ya, I think he included that smiley face as well)
But of cos, dense me didn't exactly think it was God speaking then, I merely thought it was my inner ego acting Godly.

It was the same this morning (Sunday). The sky was really cloudy and it smelled of rain. The wind was perfect. I was walking to the station on my way to church ( and in my mind, Ichi & Daiya walked with me :P ). Then I saw this kite way up in the sky, and sitting on the large field beside chi garden was a couple having a picnic. And in my mind came a phrase, "All I want is to be with you." *pop* appears Ichi & Daiya's face, and I snigger to myself, thinking I'm so into my delusion I'm conversing with them in my own head.

So, I didn't really think of any of the above as God talking to me until I had cell aft church today and Rachel was talking abt how we shld learn to recognize God's voice. I didn't think of any of the above before writing this...before this, I was happily doing my animation and I just cldn't carry on. My mind was *whirlbuzzPHEET* and making sooo much noise you'd think I was thinking of Daiya.
"WRITE IT ALL DOWN!" I heard, and now I am. So yea :S those incidents popped into my head, and hey :) maybe I'm really starting to recognize his voice.

Rachel asked us today, what is passion? She targeted those who were attached cos she wanted us to be able to relate our passion for others to our passion for God. I secretly know the answer to my definition of passion right away, but I didn't speak. So here I shall. To me, passion can really be seen when the person's face just lights up when the other party/ topic is mentioned. For me, design is my passion. When I see beautiful things, paintings, typography, illustrations, I go "WOW!!! I wanna see that again!!!" and I know I light up.

Passion is when you can keep talking on and on about that person and never be sick of it. I remember I used to be crazy over Kenshin and once, in sec. 2 Jonathan Lai started talking to me abt it. My eyes went *ding*! And I blabbered & blabbered excitedly. Then he popped the strangest question. "Why don't you light up like this when you talk abt God?" and just in case you're wondering, he's not a preachy person to start with, and I was never close to him, so for him to rebut me like tat wld have been offensive and personal…
I think I didn't reply.

So now I ask myself this; when else do I light up? And of cos, I think abt when I see beautiful things like lots of stars, blue skys...so maybe in my own way, I light up bcos of God's creations, but I don't want to light up only when I'm alone with God anymore. I don't want to feel that joy & passion only when I'm in church. I want everyone to see that I light up for him wherever I go, and that I'm truly happy cos I'm happy in Him. Just like how many would dream of finding that special one; you'd go anywhere he goes, you'd do anything for him, all you want is to be with him. He's happy, you're happy.

Sing, o, barren woman! said God in the bible. (In my case, it'd be, sing, o, short, fat woman!)
It's 1am, Monday, I've written 4 and a half pages, and I'm gonna retype this on my blog tml~! I must be a damn special girl, Him showing me how he talks and so many things I didn't realize till I took up this pen. EGO BOOST! Haha :) God loves you too, don't worry! Listen.